buddy who condescends

Friends sitting on a bench

Hi, dear reader! Sweet reader! I’m thrilled you ask that. It is no secret that it seldom comes to mind a condescending buddy. I would go so far as to say that a condescending friend can usually be resentful, and so it is nice that before you completely dismiss the person, you are looking for advice. Kudos to you!  

This seems like a tried and true case of a man, which is “the explanation of a man, a woman, in a way seen to be condescending or patronization,” as Oxford defines it.” This is the case in question. You fortunate, eh?! I know, I know, I know… not everybody. (Even if this is true in this situation!) While it’s a commonly used dynamic of men and women, the word ‘mansplain’ is, therefore, a problem that we see beyond the sexual binary. This is a typical example of a person who thinks they know more than the other person, whom we all have suffered regrettably. The condescending, dismissive tone has come from all sides of the gender spectrum at least once in our lives. 

Coping With Condescension

I wonder how much your beast (his girlfriend) copes with this, mainly because you usually believe he is pretty good about biting his language. You absolutely can approach her for what it’s worth when you feel this way about her partner – after all, for a reason, you are friends. You shouldn’t have to deal with someone who condescends to you. Perhaps she is so accustomed to seeing it not wholly (which has to be discussed) anymore—or to knowing it and wanting him to work on it. You are both going to assist each other out, anyhow. 

Open communication and talk-through will strengthen your friendship even if it feels difficult at first. This can help with preventing someone who condescends to you.

But first, did you bring it up with him before approaching your closest friend? We frequently are afraid of communicating because a possibility of conflict exists (this includes me quite often… I was never one of confrontation). I don’t think it’s what you need to do, but there’s a big nugget there that I’m going to pick up for you here, and we could conduct the workshop to match your scenario. We’d want to know that you have a good question. My colleague Danielle writes in this article: 

Next time he corrects you, believes he knows best, or reacts less savorily to anything you said, are you comfortable saying that you are in trouble? If that happens, attempt to tell him how he feels: talking to, ignoring, disregarding, patronizing. He condescends to you and you should stop it.

Make It Stop

Your friendship would be substantial—both with the boyfriend and the bestia—to talk about how you feel it. If you believe it is upsetting to note his condescending demeanor, well…woof. I would examine your real friendship and what type of a person it is. 

If he answers defensively, there might be an inability to adjust and a lack of awareness. Friendship is a two-way street, and in the connection, he must also be ready to work on himself. He has to want to stop. He couldn’t talk to you, and he can’t hear you tell him that this isn’t just a fair (or healthy) dynamic friendship. 

I realize that in your first inquiry, you indicated that right now, you’re all under some pressure… I’m not sure if the strain of survival is widespread (very valid) or you have anything else on your plate. I’m not sure (I hope for your sake, no). In any case, you have every right to make yourself and your group easy, but not at the expense of your sensations. You know, a problematic scenario might help you, and you don’t want to go through it all, you know? Don’t stand for someone who condescends to you.